Though I already know Alexa Chung looks better in anything with a top, bottom or hemline than the rest of us, this whirly twirly one seemed promising. It was red! It was pretty! It was an inexplicable $265 dollars! There was no reason why it shouldn't look like a bag of blood-red chiffon beauty that only way, way too much expendable money can buy.
Only thing is, it looks like a dress that came out of one of those Halloween costume packages that come in a plastic bag with a snap-top handle and are so highly flammable that you could probably lose a limb just from lighting a match while wearing it. Literally, it was so bad that the dressing room attendant/my new best friend Michayla made me come out in it just to confirm that, yes, it looks like total shit on over 50% of people that excitedly put it on their torsos, only to be totally bumstruck.
Given that the one piece I really wanted from this collection was about $190 dollars too much for just schlubbing it up to and from the coffee shop in silk jammies, I spent thirty bones on a pair of ankle sweatpants and picked up a pair of Newsies trousers Christian Bale would roll over in a child grave from if he knew an adult lady was sporting them for less than those sleepytime pantaloons cost. Even still, I made out like a bandit on another front:
shirt on the left: Gap men's, $25
shirt on the right: Alexa Chung for Madewell, $70
Looks like dressing like a fifth grade boy whose mom picked out all his clothes might actually work out for me this fall.