Monday, April 30
Things I Am Influential About On Klout
4. Lady Gaga
7. Anthony Bourdain
12. New Jersey
Hold the fucking phone.
I know way more about quinoa than any of this shit.
How my knowledge of weddings, Bruce Springsteen's hometown and the Sony Death Star apparently out-influences my sheer skill at stuffing my face full of mounds of healthy food like a fitness-savvy binger, I'll never understand. If anyone wants to grab a glass of fizzy wine, watch a two-hour set from a jam band and suck down some TreeTop juice boxes, apparently I'm your girl. Bring your own grain salad to our pre-party, though, since apparently I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THAT.
Excuse me, while I make a pot of millet and move on from the grains that have turned their backs on me.