Tuesday, May 15

Blind Items From The SNL After Party I Somehow Got In To



This quickly rising A/B-list couple wasn't caught in a Spiderweb (ahem) while sitting in a booth eating noodles or something. Eating noodles or something! Like real people! Also, upon closer investigation, it appears as though the duo is as pale as can be. Stars, they really are just like us, if "us" is "me" and "me" never "goes outside" because "ugh, laptop glare", right?

Which digital short-creating cast member who happens to live in the same building as yours truly was terrified to find out that the sloppy drunken plain-faced girl he was speaking to knew exactly where he lived? And knowledge of his record label and music video relations for his jokey music group, explained in very confusing, dazed sentences? Hint: his girlfriend has perfect posture and was wearing a pretty floral dress and plays the harp. (Like, PERFECT posture. )

Which seasoned actor — fuck this, Liam Neeson was there. Liam Neeson! I was secretly hoping the night would get weird and we could tie broken tiny liquor bottles to our fingers like in his creepyass trailer for The Grey and fight to the death while Seth Myers rooted me on and Jimmy Kimmel sided with ol' Jean Valjean, but then the party seemed to end out of nowhere three hours after it started. Missed opportunity.

Which ashen-colored Raconteur is actually kind of attractive in real life? No, seriously, maybe it's the generous full pour glass of Knob Creek talking, but he's actually kind of hot, in a weird way? The White-faced musician chatted about his hat, touring, and other things that seem rather blurry at the moment, but he laughed at all of my— er, all of a female partygoer's jokes — even though said female cannot remember anything she said at this moment in time.

This hairy, hairy, hairy, hairy television actor and upcoming movie sidekick dashed through the crowd after a fan stopped him to mention how obsessed she was with his performance on The League. The name of said fan was unknown, but she was like, really normal and totally not obsessed with him in a weird way. She just wanted to talk :(

This female cast member had perfect hair up close. Ok, Abby Elliot had perfect hair up close. There, I said it.

This Mad Men star (and repeat Kangol cap wearer) does NOT carry gummy worms in his pockets at all times, despite a girl with unknown affiliation to the show trying to spread a rumor all party long that he does. When confronted about the issue, he responded with denial, assuring yours truly that he does not, in fact, have pockets full of gummies, and if he did, they would be filled to the brim with not bears or worms, but fish — Swedish Fish. He walked away amused, much more so than if this female started with her other liquor-fueled pick-up line, "Samuel L. Jackson called, and he wants his hat back."

1 comment:

Chelsea said...

you are hilarious lololololol.

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