Typically, I only get nervous for two things: an impending spin class when my bloodstream could double as a vodka mix drink, or when I think I've spotted Blake Lively but it's actually just a blonde girl with incomprehensibly good hair. For a Refinery29 chit-chat-a-maroo with Nikki Glaser and Sara Schaefer, though? Nervous. Nervous! Alright, so I was wearing about forty layers and fell suit to that glass-walled conference room insulation heat, but talking to the two ladies whose voices I listen to every week while waltzing around barefoot in my apartment was kind of absurd and a big ol' bucket of fun.
Because admitting you're a "comedy nerd" ranks right up there between sex offender and furious CVS customer on the red flag-worthy social hierarchy, I'll leave my fandom for their beautiful, wonderful podcast at that. But, I will say that I learned more about how I should live my life from a thirty minute conversation with these two than I did from all the high school health classes, YM magazines and What Not To Wear episodes I've ever seen, combined. The main life lessons I cribbed from these fine ladies?:
1. Making New Friends Is As Easy As Punctuation. "I've been learning over the years to listen and ask questions, and then the pressure's off of you. I get at it jokingly, like, 'What's your deal? Tell me about what you've got going on!' and that's very open-ended."
2. If Someone's Talking Shit About You, Plan For Battle. "Come prepared, decide with yourself what you're going to admit to, and have boundaries walking in. Usually in these situations, I've been kind of scared of the person that's talking shit about me, so it's important to not acquiesce."
3. Play It Cool. "No guy is ever gonna be like, 'Well, I'm not into her because she just doesn't seem into me!' That's never been a complaint for why a guy doesn't like a girl. Ever! That's an attractive thing, so always err on the side of aloofness."
4. Instant Confidence Boosts Can Cost Less Than Spanx. "Do the Wonder Woman pose (Head up. Fists on hips) before you go on stage. Go lock yourself in a bathroom, anywhere where you can be alone, but stand in the Wonder Woman pose, confidently, for two or three minutes. Your body will respond and give you more confidence."
I, obviously, will be cobbling #3 and #4 together and turning it into female approval for going to Bloomingdales, sweaty, in a knee-length puffy coat and buying nothing but frozen yogurt yet still touching all the Deborah Lippmann nail polishes, but hey! At least I'll know how to respond when the La Mer lady is being cunty again instead of dropping $150 to prove her wrong. (Didn't work, but at least my undereye bags are silky smooth?)
Check out the whole kit n' kaboodle over on Refinery29, tune into Nikki & Sara Live on Tuesday evenin's, and peekaboo at their perfect lil' podcast. There'll be more on that later this week, but I suggest you get a head start art art art art art. (I've been listening to too many electro-pop songs on accidental HypeMachine shuffle. Damn you, internet.)
Posted this to Facebook and joking about wishing I could Photoshop my face between theirs, and low and behold....
Ask, and ye shall receive. Thank you to resident genius Dana Brej for putting me in a wonderful women sandwich with funnier-than-me bread. (It's made by a subsidiary of Wonder. High fiber, low fat!)