Tuesday, February 5

The Ultimate Best-Ever "Smash" Drinking Game

Whether you're a musical theatre nerd, a sucker for crash-burn storylines or just that asshole who walks down the street trying to hit high falsetto notes, my favorite little Spielberg-backed show is back. While our beloved Marilyn Monroe-themed production of Bombshell is — spoiler alert! — potentially held from debut pending a police investigation, there'll be a new musical-in-musical rivalry, penned by a ragtag duo of bartenders moonlighting as Broadway songwriters. Add their "bad boy" singer who makes Dev look as soft as a festive Peep into the mix, and this joint could be more exciting than poisoning a celebrity with a handful of peanuts.

If you're feeling like life can't go on without Ellis and your eyes may actually burn if sweet Debra Messing tries to convince us Frank's monster face is attractive, never fear! Assuming you'll also stick with this cloudy gem for another 18 episodes, here are a few friendly suggestions to make the saccharine drama more tastefully tolerable. Grab a cocktail — or, for those who prefer to kick it Eileen Rand-style, a third martini — and get this wonderful weeknight party started.

(After all, if you were ever actually stuck watching this shitshow on ol' Broadway, you'd be throwing back $18 Jack and Cokes the whole time. Consider this your low-cost home alternative):

- Derek does something your HR rep would consider sexual harassment
- Someone frets about finances — the show's overhead, their dancer's pittance, bribing law officers, etc.
- A cast member mentions how glorious is to be on Broadway. Take another if they emphasize the second half of the word. (Broad-way!)
- Ivy stares contemplatively at a pill bottle
- The dancers — ahem, ensemble — go out together and it inevitably erupts into a musical number
- Karen and Ivy become friends again!
- Karen and Ivy become enemies again! (Anyone else starting to notice the resemblance to Gossip Girl?)
- A cast member is torn over which musical to work on
- Someone incomprehensibly finds Karen's new meh-looking love interest attractive

- Julia and Tom address their partnership aloud to one another
- Ivy somberly walks through the doors of a Broadway theatre
- Julia wears a scarf, ethnic jewelry or a baggy sweater from Anthropologie
- A Weight Watchers commercial starring Jennifer Hudson is plopped into the commercial break
- Eileen's husband successfully emulates an over-the-top Bond villian
- A cast member spontaneously executes a cover song they just happened to know all the words to
- There's bad press!
- Bombshell has difficulty securing any of the following: a venue, an investor, a lead actress, a director or a hit song
- Ellis is mentioned. Take two if he's not actually mentioned by name, like a theatrical Voldemort. (Finish the bottle if he shows up.)
- Karen does something to prove "she's not small town anymore". Take three if she does something demeaning to pay the bills (We've got a hunch.)

- Katharine McPhee's midriff makes a needless appearance
- A female cast member does something questionably inappropriate in front of a guy, but "It's OK, because he's gay!"
- There's a double entendre with song lyrics slyly paralleling the plot of Smash
- Liza Minnelli shows up. Actually, chug 'til you can't breathe. It's LIIIIIZA! (And it's happening.)

1 comment:

Leah Hasson said...

Ahahahahahaha this is amazing! Ellis=Voldemort. You are so right!

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