Tuesday, April 2

Party On The Beach 'Til The Break Of (Thirty Days Past) Dawn

Surprise, fuckers! You get to spend the whole rest of the month with lil' ol' me. Unbelievable, right?! We're not actually going on a Cabo San Lucas all-inclusive vacation or a Wanderlust-style retreat, no, but instead, I'll just be telling you what to do for the next four weeks. Yup, once a day, a fun factoid from yours truly about how to step up your style like these jaw-dropping, make-you-hate-yourself-and-everything-you-own Refinery29 mega-babes will pop up across their site, giving props to those who can pull off a fisherman's sweater, and convincing you that maybe highlighter heels could be a good thing for your all-black-err'thang wardrobe. (They could be! They could be! If you don't try, how else will you ever knowww?!?!)

It's true, you probably want to get my (thoroughly coveted) fashion advice every day, but life's not a game of Dream Phone, people. You can't just dial me up and expect me to pick up on the other end and pay attention to you all night over a meal of bland pasta and Brunswick bowling. (Especially because I'm notorious for never picking up my phone. And for hating pasta.)

So, consider yourself lucky — instead of having to tell me every morning that we're going to be late if I don't hurry the fuck up, or kindly inform me that what I'm wearing makes me look like a dumpy six-year-old pageant reject, or even carry my backpack through a foreign country because walking around for a day makes my body collapse, you just get to look at glamazons and hear my voice float gently in the background just beyond it. Win-win-win, all around.

Check back err' day to see more and more beautiful people and their beautiful things, and hit me up on the personal end if you actually have any serious questions that need answering. I'll try my best, though be warned: I always err on the side of over-the-top sequins and old lady bling.

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