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Tequila!

That's right, homies. El Cinco de Mayo esta upon us right this very moment, which means if you have two legs, a mouth and a brain in that empty head of yours, you're probably wondering where to slow your nevous system down this PM with a marg-a-rita. Luckily for you last-minute ladies and gents who haven't been spending the past month thinking on this delicate decision, Refinery29 and myself have your asses covered with a set of the city's best tequila machines, and where you can get 'em.

I will say this: my feelings for tequila? Well, they're not all there. If tequila was away at war, I'd honor that love by promptly falling for neighbor next door, getting knocked up with his child and pretending it was an immaculate conception. I wish I could say otherwise, but after a handle of well tequila became my freshman dorm room's drink of choice — for shots, mind you — I can't look at the stuff the same way. But still, even with the cringeworthy feelings that creep up my spine when I think of doing a straight no chaser-style throwback of the caramel-colored fun stuff, I can assure that these margs are downright jaw-dropping unbelievable, and a worthy way to toast to the historical holiday that should probably be accurately celebrated with bright red faux blood cocktails instead of impossibly good habanero grapefruit ones. But! With one-man booze cruises like these on the horizon, you don't gotta know diddlysquat about tequila to enjoy yourself a good swig of it.

Take a peeksy at the Best Margaritas in New York, and oh happy day to the rest of my fellow cocktail lovahs.

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