Wednesday, November 6

Shuttin' It Down!

Now, I'm not going to say that men approaching me in the street for a date is a common occurrence, or something I've had to deal with so many times that it's akin to shooing away mosquitos while camping in the woods. It did happened, randomly, a couple weeks back, but it's been deemed a one-time fluke, most likely related to me beaming with happiness from a meal at my homestead on the horizon and a leather biker jacket that makes me look exactly fourteen times cooler than I actually am.

Usually when it comes to men trying to ask me out, my main go-to method has been that of Jurassic Park. Meaning, of course, that I've resorted to a method of playing dead and not making eye contact while an unidentified man is speaking to me and a friend I'm beside, hoping he'll see me frozen stiff and assume the body's been cold for a while and is likely to stay that way.

It's smooth, sure, if you consider ever male to be a sexual predator, but where politeness, friendship and seeking out mates for close personal single friends is concerned, kind of a shit-tastic way to go about life.

Massively convenient, then, that Teen Vogue tasked me with giving the 411 on how to effectively and properly turn down a date. Do kids these days even know what the phrase "411" means, come to think of it? I have no idea. But what I do know is that I gave all of your younger cousins (and underdeveloped adult friends) the tools you need to not make someone want to cry when you pretty much tell them you don't like their face shape.

Take a peeksicle at How To Say No To A Date. Truth is, I was pretty, pretty, pretty boss at it when I was younger, so all it took was some back-brain channeling and thoughts and boom! Your handy, fun guide to shuttin' shit down without hurting anyone's feelings. It takes serious balls to ask someone out, so the response should be just as bold, thoughtful and straightforward.

Hmph. Looks like I gotta rethink that dinosaur method.

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