Sunday, December 8

Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo

Oh hey! Despite feeling like I've left this ol' creature locked in a van on a hot summer's day, yes, I am indeed alive. Completely alive! I have not sucked from the La Colombe teet for long enough wherein I've had early-onset heart failure, nor I have not died in a freak Citibike accident. Yet.

Things have just been real hectic over in Awkward City proper, and between work, freelancin' and eating everything that comes within sixteen inches of my face, I haven't had many free seconds in the past few weeks. I've been supes busy, as the Brits say, though theirs is typically in terms of sucking down yeasty brews at the pub with pals instead of staying up 'til 1AM hemming and hawing over a Kate Spade Saturday purse. (I seriously went shaved head Britney-levels of crazy nuts over last week's Black-Cyber Discount Shop-tacular. More on that to come, once I figure out how balancing a budget works and how many purses a girl can truly convince herself she *needs*.)

I've got a virtual manila envelope full of schtuff I simply can't wait to write about — a neurotic's guide to packing for winter vacation, some serious Unintentional Style Icons — but since it's wildly close to mealtime and my priorities lie with caloric intake, here are a handful of things from the past few days you lil' bubs should know about 'til I'm back in full force. Soon! I promise. I prom promise.

I've been writing a bunch of these editorial dim sums on how to survive life for Teen Vogue. Last week's was all about how to defy your parents while dating someone your mom thinks will impregnate you atop a motorcycle, but the other two, on how to keep n' ditch da fuck out of shitty friends, are also two scoops of helpful:

I've been wearing some weird-y clothes the past few weeks, mostly because waistbands aren't an option since I allowed peanut butter back into my home. From a NKOTB nightgown-wearing putz to an accidentally dated take on Anne Frank, I'm basically making up for not participating in Halloween each and every other day of the year:

(Yeah, it says Fries Before Guys. I just unwrapped a fresh pair of Birks, too, so I'm basically clawing down Stacy London's door for desperately needed help.)

Anywho, Hear, ye! Hear, ye! Don't forget to pick up US Weekly while traveling home, traveling to work or just traveling to another place in your brain after gettin' high on laughing gas at the dentist's office. I send in jokes every other week, so take a peeksie as often as you can to try and catch my fatherly sense of humor. Here's the most recent one below:

And, most importantly — is this Beyonce? Wearing a two-piece pizza suit at Cafe Gratitude, no less?! Bad ass bitch, from top to greasy cheese-topped bottom.

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