Now available for party entertainment, coat pocket stretching, corporate events, lunchbag decorating and clown impersonations. My new phone doesn't fit in my purse, in my jeans or even in the corner of a two-top table if you order too much food, but I fucking love it. I love it so much that I have a special pouch to put it in when it's floating around my purse; I love it so much that I bought two separate cases for "busy" days when I can't monitor the wellness of its fragility inside a large bag. It's insane to carry, and literally turns a mindblowingly expensive technological device into a plastic mess, but I don't think I'll yell at my mother on the street into a tricked-out Adventure Time phone now so there's at least a silver lining to this wonderfully crazytown cloud.
And, in case you too want to turn your brand new 2-year-contracted device into a child's plaything, I'll direct you to the source of all things insane: TiffyCuppyCake on Etsy. Her custom cases are legit.
(Even if it makes it impossible to actually use your phone.)