Listen, it's not every day that my job allows me to make fun of how everyone attends this awards show like they got lost on the way to a combination wedding-funeral. Claire Danes, I'M COMING FOR YOU. Jessica Lange, I'M COMING FOR YOU. Taraji P. Henson, well, you can do no wrong, but ALL OF TARAJI'S COLLEAGUES, I'M COMING FOR YOU.
I'd say even more, but I don't want to spoil it. This piece is quite possibly my favorite thing I've ever wrote*, so read it now, or just listen for my call tomorrow night. If you hear your neighbor's dogs barking, it's because another celebrity rolled in wearing an infuriatingly boring navy gown like she was attending my 2000 Bat Mitzvah ceremonies and her mom picked it out specifically so it wouldn't get ruined if she played Coke-Pepsi in it.
Check out my favorite diatribe of late over on Racked.
*OK, maybe only because I got a wild Winona Ryder burn in, but still.